Sleepless Nights
Have you ever wanted to make peace with someone; to say that you are sorry? You trying calling, but he/she is not answering; you text, and still no response. You try the e-mail route and that makes not difference. You then go back over the messages you sent; maybe they were not properly written and have only worked to dig you into a deeper hole. So you start rewriting them. Never has a night seemed so eternally long. You are now fully resolved, whatever it takes, you are going to see that individual tomorrow and you are going to make amends.
You know, there are few things that can rob you of sleep as can a guilty conscience. What a tremendously hair-raising relief it is when someone you've wronged (for which you are sorry) says, "Hey, I understand, no hard feelings."
Suicidal Thoughts
A guilty conscience can even drive one to commit suicide. Remember Judas ("Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And he... went and hanged himself." Matt. 27 4, 5)?
God: More Willing to Forgive Than we are to Repent
If we understand anything about God, we'd know that with Him there's no need for anxiety about securing His forgiveness - least of all entertaining suicidal thoughts.
In God's eyes we don't stand condemned because we're sinners, but because we refuse to accept His gracious offer of forgiveness and reconciliation; we refuse to repent. In John 3: 19 He expresses this concept this way, "And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil."
Peter could have followed the course of Judas, but he knew Jesus a lot better, and what he saw in the eyes of Jesus after he denied Him the third time was love, pity, and forgiveness. It is generally felt that that was the decisive moment of change for Peter. See Matt. 26: 75.
Prayer
Our Father in Heaven, with grateful, repentant hearts we acknowledge Your willingness to forgive us of all our sins. What a joy to know that You are indeed more willing to forgive us than we are to repent. Thank you. Thank you that even if we have sleepless nights, it's not because we don't trust you, but it's because we don't trust ourselves, and we just want to make sure that we are fully anchored in You. To that end, give us a few sleepless nights, if you must - only, be our Instructor, our Teacher, and our Guide. And we promise to always sing Your praises, now and always. We ask it all in Jesus' name, amen.
This reading is based on Psalm 32. To read and/or listen to Psalm 32 and to read other related blogs, please click here.
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