When she doesn’t want / can’t have sex

THERE are a variety of factors that affect a woman’s ability to have sex outside of just not being ‘in the mood’. Some of these factors include sexual dysfunction, where for example certain medicines like oral contraceptives and chemotherapy drugs; diseases such as diabetes or high blood pressure; excessive alcohol use, or vaginal infections can cause sexual problems. Others include depression, sexual abuse or more serious problems like vaginismus.

Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm of the muscles surrounding the vaginal opening, which occurs whenever an attempt is made to penetrate the vagina. It is not due to a physical deformity or disorder, instead, it is an emotional condition that occurs because of psychological reasons that manifests itself in a physical way.

If there’s no medical reason for withholding, experts will warn women of the importance of not using sex as a tool in relationships.

According to counselling psychologist Jacqueline Champier, denying him sex for no good reason is something that should never be done under any circumstances as it could have adverse effects. She therefore advises women to ensure that ‘shop’ is open to the shopper 24-seven and not just when she feels like it or only when things are OK in the relationship.

“Shop-locking should never be used as a weapon or tool in conflict resolution. Couples should find suitable ways to solve problems,” she advises.

Champier gave reasons why women should not withhold sex from their men:

• When one shop door closes, another is usually right around the corner with a big neon sign that blinks ‘OPEN FOR BUSINESS’.

• Other shops that are open elsewhere sometimes stock goods that are usually illegal and contaminated, of which the men could get sick or sometimes even die.

• Not only can the man get sick from this consumption, but so can the woman at home after she has decided to re-open her shop.

• When shop locks, it is the shopkeeper (woman) who ends up suffering more.

• Even if the man tries not to leave any trace of what went on outside the relationship, it often has some adverse effect.

•The man might end up liking eating outside so much that he refuses to come back home.

What he does when you lock shop

Some men will tell you that they cannot be faithful to one woman because if she ‘locks shop’, they have to find other persons to relieve their sexual frustration. Still there are others who are not afraid to say they believe in being faithful and will resort to solutions that don’t involve other women. So what is it that your man does when you ‘lock shop’ or are genuinely not in a position to fulfil his sexual desires?

Charles:

I find a magazine and go to the bathroom, or go in the bedroom and watch porn! I promote faithfulness. I could have gone down the road and check ‘Sharon’, but that is not what I am about. You even have cable on demand now so you can order up what you want! If your wife’s not doing it or can’t do it, then just help yourself.

Aldain:

You have three reasons why women would not have sex — sometimes they just lock shop for no reason, are sick or on their periods. If she is sick or having her period, then I just have to wait out that. But if is a case where me and her have something and she just lock off, then I guess I would have to do everything I could to make up. Normally that usually only takes a day still, but if it last longer, I would just try and wait it out, especially if I know I was wrong.

Harold:

Well if is a case where she having her period, I have that lock. ‘Cause when I know her period is coming up, I have enough sex to last me the five days when she’ll be unavailable. If she’s pregnant then I know I just have to wait it out. That is a good time to spend bonding with the child so I am not even focused on sex. When it comes to locking shop, I am the only locksmith with the key to that shop. I love make up sex, so that wouldn’t stop me. Sometimes mi all war with her just to have make up sex!

Curtis:

I basically try to find out what’s wrong, Maybe she’s not attracted to me anymore; if she just can’t have sex I will try to find out what’s wrong or encourage her to seek medical help and work with her. Many men would cheat, but if you love your woman you will work with her.

Michael:

I won’t lie, I love when my woman lock shop on me because that give me an excuse to be with someone else. She can’t expect to lock shop on me and not expect me to not be with someone else. Believe me, if a woman lock shop on her man and she don’t see him complaining, that mean him gone a road. If he keeps bothering you to make up, then him staying home.