Tuesday, 13 December 2011

What to do if hubby walks out on you?

Jacqueline Champier

I have heard of cases where women didn't even have the slightest inclination that their hubbies were planning to surprise them, until the day they came face to face with an empty apartment. Yes, it happens.
A woman might be in a rocky or even not so rocky relationship for years and may also have children, but because she knows that ups and downs are normal in a relationship, she might not have thought that the man she sleeps beside each night would have left her                                      without warning.

For the man in your life to surprise you by packing up and leaving is just not an easy pill to swallow. When this happens, the woman could easily become traumatised and may need to seek professional help. Sometimes the source of a woman's pain is not only that she has been dissed, but the low down way in which the dissing occurred.
Well, in every emergency a woman has to do what she has to do, so if he walks, immediately she will have to start thinking of her next move. If the relationship can be saved, good for her, but until then she must always remember that life goes on and her life should not come to a standstill because her man has upped and left her abruptly. Regardless of the situation, the road ahead might not be easy, but like Yolanda Adams sings, This too shall pass, and the earlier she embraces this concept, the better it should be for her.
So should your hubby decide that he is going to walk out on you, don't panic, here are a few suggestions that could be of help to you.
1. Accept your situation. The longer you remain in denial is the longer it is going to take for you to put your plans in place. You are human and it is normal to go into denial, but that should only be for a period of time. It should not last for the remaining portion of your life. Like I mentioned above, you may not be able to accept your situation all by yourself, therefore, seek the best help available to you, since the first step in getting over what happened lies with you accepting your situation.
2. Get moral support. Sometimes women hide the fact that things are not going right at home or at least nowhere close to how it should be going. It is not advisable to keep everything to yourself, especially if you are hurting or dying inside. While you have to be discreet and you have to keep your family affairs close to your heart, you are going to need people around you to support you. Whether you are single or not, you are going to need to have some people in your corner. You do not always have to give the details but the people in your corner can strengthen you and encourage you when things are not going right.
Here is an activity for you to do. Use a piece of paper to write down the names of your friends with whom you talk each day, each week, each month, each year. If you cannot think of persons to fill these categories it means that you need to broaden your network. People need people, you cannot make it alone. The more confidential persons you have in your corner the better off you will be.
Even if you are a very secretive person, if your hubby walks out on you, your secret will be out and you may be alone and lonely. It is during these unfortunate moments that you are going to need people to lean on. Sometimes it is these same people who will prevent you from reaching your breaking point.
3. Talk with a trained counsellor: Hubbies have been walking out on wives for centuries, so you would not be the first person to experience this situation. If it happens, do know that you will be doing yourself justice by finding and sharing with a trusted friend or a trained counsellor who can help you. When you talk with persons who are interested in your well-being, you will gain new insight and new world views which will help you to pave the way forward.
4. Cry if you must. Take the advice that Dr Grace Kelly gives in her book and cry if you must. Where there is a loss there is grief, and where there is grief there is pain, so if you must cry to relive yourself of pain, then it is okay to do so.
5. Continue to live. The worst thing that can happen to you is if you stop living because of your loss. Take some time off if you must and mourn your loss but after this is done, dress up and go out if that makes you happy. Continue to do the things that you find enjoyable and the things that cause your spirit to soar. Life is short, so as much as it lies within you, live your life to the fullest and enjoy every moment of it.
6. Redefine your goals. After you have got over the rough spots and have accepted your reality, you will need to redefine your goals. You have got to know where you go from here. During this period you must play your cards right for you do not want to make bad choices, so think twice before making any rash decisions.
7. Keep an open mind. You should never, ever say never, or that all men are alike; this is not true. You may want to keep an open mind and trust in the Divine.

Jacqueline Champier is a counselling psychologist from Mandeville, and a lecturer in the College of Humanities, Behavioural & Social Sciences, Northern Caribbean University