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Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Frustrated Wives, Complacent Husbands

IT is a new year, with new opportunities to right wrongs and to strive to attain new goals.
Women, as my colleague Venese Madden recently wrote in an article titled Naïve wives and patient husbands, can certainly turn a new leaf this year when it comes to satisfying their husbands. But their men also need to give them a push-start in the quest to start writing on a new page.
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My colleague spoke about eliminating such things as women locking shop, and says instead that they should cater to their men's needs. I certainly agree that there are many ice queens out there who treat their men with coldness and disdain and I'm certainly not condoning shop-locking, but men must also realise that women are emotional beings, and if a woman is starved emotionally, coldness is bound to be her response.
If many men think back to the early days of their relationships, they'll likely remember that their women washed, cooked, cleaned, and were available 24/7 to satisfy their every whim and fancy, but over time, giving and giving without getting much in return may have left their women discontented and unhappy.
So while some women are naïve enough to think that they can keep ignoring their men's needs, other women have simply stopped giving because of pure, unadulterated frustration.
I happen to know of a situation being faced by one woman, whose man is working some distance away from home. She discovered that he is in a relationship with another woman, and when questioned about it, his nonchalant response was that he needs 'comfort'. To make matters worse, he constantly complains that he cannot afford to travel home very often to spend quality time with his woman, but she should understand his need to seek comfort in the arms of someone else!
Doesn't his woman and the mother of his children need comfort too? Now, if this woman decides to lock shop or stock up on "bun, bun and more bun", will he have just reason to lament that she is wicked?
Of course this is not the case with all relationships, but it is certainly true of many. In other cases, while men are home and there are no other women in the picture, there is still an absence of demonstrations of love, care and respect. Many men become complacent and they seem to think that the romance with which they showered their women during courtship is no longer a necessity once they settle into the relationship. But the bottom line is that women consistently need to feel loved, respected and appreciated by their men.
So what can a man do for his woman this year? Feed her emotional needs. Talk with her, find out about her day, touch her, hug her, pat her lovingly on the rear-end, kiss her passionately without any ulterior motive, help her in the kitchen, with the laundry, with the children, take her out on a date every once in a while, compliment her on her appearance, remember special days, buy a gift on a regular day 'just because' and remember to say 'I love you'.
I am convinced that many ice queens want desperately to warm up, but they're waiting for their men to turn up the temperature in the relationship. They're waiting for their men to prepare them warm baths, with some scented candles, rose petals and romantic music so the ice can melt away, allowing for the rebirth of the goddess of love.
Shaye Ann Campbell-Mosquera is a lecturer in the Department of Behavioural & Social Sciences at Northern Caribbean University.