10 reasons not to search his cellphone

US ladies should sign a pact that we will NOT search the cellphones of our significant others neither to confirm nor deny a suspicion or out of mere curiosity. Searching of cellphones has wreaked havoc in many homes and caused destruction of many relationships.

I believe that cell phone searching can cause irreparable upset from the mental shock received after reading text messages and listening to voice mails that you were not prepared mentally to deal with. The mental energy that is required to determine who really is Pamela, Angela or Sheila, to decipher who is Karen One, Karen Two or Karen Three, to determine why Jackie's name is stored only as Jack, or to memorise phone numbers, is just not worth the effort.

I do not condone dishonesty in relationships but it is a fact that what you don't know can't hurt you. Some of the hardest wounds to heal and some of the hottest pains to endure are those that are self-inflicted. You can opt not to search or you can opt to search and run the risk of living in emotional torment. The choice is yours. I have listed below 10 reasons why it is beneficial to opt NOT to search.

1 Cellphone searching hurts the 'searcher' more than the 'searchee'. Also, you run the risk of biting off more than you can chew.

2 When you search his phone, you are sending a message that says, "I do not trust you". Lack of trust can cause incalculable damages to relationships.

3 Cellphone searching can be a sign of insecurity; it may reveal an inferiority complex or lack of confidence on the part of the searcher. This can be a turn-off to your mate.

4 The practice is unethical and hits below the belt. The messages going out or coming in were not meant for you.

5 The searching of a partner's cellphone can ruin a beautiful relationship. This searcher might overreact and this can lead to quarrelling and fighting that can end the relationship.

6 It can wreck homes and marriages and cause innocent children to suffer.

7 It can strain the relationship and cause your partner not to feel relaxed in your presence. In other words, it robs him of his freedom and joy of being with you, since he may not be sure what else you might be searching or where else you might be snooping.

8 If he feels you do not trust him, neither might he trust you.

9 The time and energy that is used to search can be employed in a more productive fashion that can build the relationship rather than wreck it.

10 If you would not like your phone to be searched then don't search another person's phone.

Jacqueline Champier is a counselling psychologist from Mandeville.