When to call the wedding off

ONE of my favourite authors shares the view that even if you are already at the altar and you are having second thoughts, you can call the wedding off. It might sound harsh, but it is always the best option.

Just think of what can happen if you had doubts but did not have the courage to stop the wedding. If you proceed and the marriage is not successful, I imagine that you would live every day regretting not seizing the moment when you had the opportunity to stop the wedding but failed to do so. Some marriages were not meant to be, they were wrong from the first hello.

Here are two situations that warrant you calling the wedding off:

1. New truths are revealed: If there is something about your partner that was not revealed to you and after you started wedding planning you got tangible proof about the situation, you may need to call the wedding off. If there was some deep, dark secret that you found out about and you cannot accept it nor feel like you can live with it, then it is time to call off the wedding.

2. You sense from the premarital counselling that the marriage is not going to work. Oftentimes couples make the mistake of planning their weddings and setting the dates before beginning premarital counselling. This is an error, it should never be so. One purpose of premarital counselling is to help you to determine if you are compatible and if you should take the next step to plan the wedding.

Sometimes this is done in the reverse, that is, the wedding is planned first and the counselling done afterwards. If you find out during the counselling sessions that you are not compatible, do not be afraid to call the invited guests and tell them that the wedding is called off. If you resolve your issues and afterward you feel like you want to marry this person, feel free to resume your planning.

It takes lots of courage to call your wedding off, but if you ignore the warning signs and continue, it may even cost you your life. Never proceed with a wedding because you are too embarrassed to call it off.

It is better to call it off and be embarrassed for 'nine days' than to go ahead and enter ever after with the wrong person.

Jacqueline Champier is a counselling psychologist from Mandeville.