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Tuesday, 14 February 2012

I can’t wait to get married- or can I?


D. H. Lawrence once said “When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.” Oneness is something that is quite attainable, but many people do not know how to attain it. Women especially value independence, but whether they want to admit it or not, they too yearn for oneness. This is why a woman will spend years dating, just to find that person she can be ‘one’ with, one to whom she can pour out her soul without reservation. As hard as it may be to admit, I am guilty of searching for oneness and I believe this oneness will only be achieved when I find that special person and vow through marriage to spend the rest of my life with him.

Marriage is a sacred institution; it was designed by God for two individuals who love each other to share every aspect of their lives. Marriage reminds me of two bubbles that are floating around and then coincidentally, or by fate, they join and make one big beautiful bubble. Marriage involves being loyal, honest, understanding, and loving to your companion despite his/her faults or flaws. Many persons spend a lot of money on having the perfect wedding but they put little effort in ensuring that the marriage works. Some even get married for the wrong reasons: to have sex, for business opportunities or to become a legal citizen of another country. When you love someone however, and want to spend the rest of your days on earth with him/her, I believe the ideal wedding will fall into place.

I love weddings.  Ever since I was a little girl I enjoyed attending weddings with my mother. I would sit and observe all the important details: the color combination, the decorations, the style of the bridesmaids’ dresses, the bride’s hairstyle, her make-up, her dress even how happy she looked at the thought of getting married. My favorite part however was when the Pastor said “you may kiss the bride”…I always squealed with delight and imagined myself kissing the man of my dreams. As I got older, I attended even more weddings and decided that it was time to start compiling my portfolio of how my wedding and marriage should be.  I joined a wedding website “The Knot” and received weekly or monthly updates on planning the perfect wedding. Joining the site required your name and the name of your fiancé. 

At the time I was not dating anyone so I typed the first name that came to mind – Rafael – who knows, maybe fate will lead me to a ‘Rafael’ somewhere in the world. So now I have everything in place for my dream wedding; I know that I don’t want to get married inside a church, I want to get married near the beach or somewhere scenic. I see myself as a free spirit, so I want to feel the wind blowing in my hair as I’m getting married.  I know the dress I want to get married in and I know the specific places find the perfect dress, I know the style of the shoes I want to wear and definitely know what my wedding colours are going to be… fuchsia and gold.

It’s ironic though, that I should be so ecstatic about getting married since my parents are separated and I’ve seen many failed marriages in my community. That is no deterrent to me however, as the thought of sharing my life with someone excites me. It is also intriguing to think of cuddling in the bed at night with that special someone without feeling guilty about it. If I had the choice I would get married right now, if the man of my dreams arrived and proposed I would scream “yes”. After all, I have everything planned; all he has to do is walk up that aisle. 

Marriage Counselor Penelope Trunk says “your wedding is one day in your life, but your marriage is all the rest of the days that come after it. No other relationship, except perhaps parenthood, even comes close in terms of the challenges and triumphs of marriage. It is the most intimate relationship created by choice that is humanly possible.” So, if you are like me and yearn for the experiences of being married, ensure that you want to get married for the right reasons. I want to share my body, soul, thoughts and experiences with the one I love and trust the feeling will be reciprocated.  So if Prince Charming comes along now, I hope he is ready to take me away on his white horse. I really can’t wait to get married- can I?

Lafaine A. Wiggan, a final year Communication Studies student at Northern Caribbean University and guest contributor.