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Wednesday, 15 February 2012

This is why you're still single


SO your age isn't off the calendar, there is no tree growing in your face, you are no gold digger, you are a decent woman and you do believe in holy matrimony. But all your friends have tied the knot and you are still sleeping by yourself; still waiting to exhale; still waiting for someone to pop that all-important question.
Chances are, if this is you, something is wrong.
I know some people are of the opinion that not everyone was born to be 'tied', but to be honest with you, I really do not support that saying. I strongly believe that if you know what you want and if you learn the ropes of how to get whatever it is, you will achieve it. Once a woman knows what she is about, nothing can stall her progress and no one can stand in her way: her success will be certain.
Therefore, if you have determined that this is your year, or if you are tired of being lonely or of sleeping all alone, peruse the list below and make the necessary adjustments.
1. Stop acting too desperate: One big turn off for a man is a woman who is so desperate that everything about her screams desperation. You cannot tell every man you meet that you are looking for a husband. This might sound way out to you, especially if you don't practice this type of thing, but there are some women who are still using this approach. Try to use some reverse psychology, that is, as much as you want someone, behave as though you are not looking for a man. Remember ladies, a man likes a challenge.
2. Project humility. If you behave as though you have arrived or like you are in a class all by yourself, it will be harder to attract Mr Right and you may really end up all by yourself. If you are serious about ending your lonely days, start by exuding humility. Note that you cannot exude what you do not have, so if you're really not humble, you just have to learn how to humble yourself.
3. Have the right self-concept. Sometimes a woman will have the wrong concept of herself and she might wonder why she has not yet attracted a worthy bachelor, only to find out that others see her totally opposite to how she sees herself. In order to get a true picture of how you are perceived, ask your good friends to tell you exactly how you come across to them. You might be surprised by what they say, but if they tell you anything negative, adjust these with positive actions. It could be that you are really a lovely person and a confident woman too but because of something that you are not doing, your loveliness does not shine through. Work on it.
4. Stop falling for losers. Some women are single and it is only because of one reason: they continue to fall for losers. Regardless of your loneliness, you must spend the time to study a potential mate before you open yourself to him. Sometimes out of desperation women will 'catch at a straw', but if you are guilty of doing this, stop it. You cannot afford to be dating one loser after another. Stop hurting yourself, set your standards by making note of the type of man that you would like. You do not have to be too picky but you should not rush into the relationship either. Learn how to go slow, remember that time is the master of everything. If he is a loser it will be bound to show sooner than later. One other thing; never let it be that by the time you realise that he is good for nothing you have gone too far. When this happens, you can become vulnerable and this can begin a cycle of attracting losers on the rebound. Lastly, do not forget your innermost feelings; your sense of intuition, it's a tool that God has given to every woman. Use it.
5. Wait your turn. Have you ever considered that maybe it is not your time yet? Think about it. They say good things come to those who wait and I can agree with the saying. Listen, it is better to wait than to be sorry, for there is no crime in waiting.
Jacqueline Champier is a counselling psychologist from Mandeville