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Friday, 9 March 2012

Help! My spouse is not romantic


Let me hasten to remind you that romance does not have to include expensive presents or lots of money —; a little trinket goes a far way. For if truth be told, romance starts in the mind; it begins with a determination to please, to tease and to satisfy. Romance is like being sexy. Being sexy is not so much about how you look; it is more about how you feel and about how you think. Yes, being sexy is also about how you move — and whether or not you move like a smooth operator.


You might be thinking that your spouse is too old-fashioned and boring; that he is too out of touch with reality; or that it is way too late to spice thing up. You might even be looking over the fence for Mr Romeo or Mr Casanova to come and light your darkness, but not so fast my sisters!. If like the pessimists you are saying that it is too hard to teach old dogs new tricks, you had better dismiss that negative thought. Never subscribe to negative thinking, rather, be one of the optimists who claim, that it is never too late for a shower or rain. Believe also that what doesn't happen in a year can happen in a day.
Remember too, that you were born to be sexy, you were born to have romance in your life and you were born to be free. If you are in a relationship with a man who delivers same old, same old, and you are longing for a little romance, believe that things can still happen in your corner.
Here are some guidelines to follow if you are serious about changing your boring spouse into a romantic heart.
1. Be nice. It does not cost anything to be nice. Find out from your spouse his idea of niceness and work your butt off until you know that you are nice. Even the most romantic person can become turned off if he has to live with a woman who is irritable or grumpy.
2. Be vocal. Men are not mind readers; they cannot know what you want or what you are dreaming of in your mind. Tell me, if you keep it to yourself, how can he act on it? You have to be bold, you have to find ways and means to tell it like it is. Be mindful not to point fingers or to call names now; talk it or text it if you must, but the point is that your message must get across to him that you are interested in romance.
3. Be prepared to teach. You cannot assume that every man is going to be a romantic, some don't have a clue about romance, for they neither read it from a book, watched it in a movie nor were taught anything about it in school. It is even worse if they are from a home where romance was downplayed. Since you know what you want and you know what to do, take the initiative and lead by example. Practice what you preach.
4. Be grateful. You will know when he is trying his best, therefore do not look for what he is not doing right, look for what he is doing right and be grateful for it. Express your gratefulness in a creative way and watch what will follow next. You may just be surprised.
5. Be creative. Come up with new ideas and new fantasies and say how you believe that these can be fulfilled. Write them down and anytime you get a chance to put your plans into action — do so without wavering.
6. Do not be greedy. No man likes to be pressured to perform beyond his capabilities or his limitations, so know what he is capable of and learn to be satisfied each step of the way.
7. Learn to save. When cash is scarce, you will have to save for that special getaway. Never think that when cash is plenty you are going to take that romantic vacation, plan for it long before the date then save for it. Envision it, live for it and when the date comes around, go and enjoy.
8. Say thank you. When you are pleased with a job well done, say thank you. Say thank you each step of the way instead of waiting until the job is completed before expressing your feelings. Thank you doesn't always have to be in words, it can also be in action or deeds. A little kindness goes a long way and encouragement sweetens labour.
Jacqueline Champier is a counselling psychologist.