ASK anyone, and they will tell you without having to think for even a mere second, that they can readily identify a Jane Doe who is desperately in search of a Mr Right. Some Janes say that 'good man short', while others say 'man plentiful, but a great number of them are either married, incarcerated, or eyeing the same sex'.
I don't know about you, but I've seen that there are many good-looking, educated women who are presently waiting for an eligible bachelor. I don't usually volunteer to be match-maker, but I know the signs of desperation and frustration, so when I'm asked to help with the search I don't usually hesitate.
The quests are always long, wearisome, and sometimes unproductive. The last time one woman checked with me to find out what had surfaced, I told her not to hold her breath, but that 'where there is a will, there is a way'. She agreed and reminded me that 'tree not growing in her face', and she would patiently wait.
That has been over three years, and the search is still ongoing.
We have tried everything in the books. Because of her specifications, we have looked in the pulpit and we have looked in the pews ... jokingly she suggested that she will have to wear a sign that reads, 'ROOM FOR RENT, APPLY WITHIN'. But I reminded her that God is interested in every aspect of our lives, and we should ask and wait to receive, seek and find, knock and wait for the door to be opened, and he will come.
It dawned on me recently that the unavailability of men is not the only factor contributing to the problems encountered by the Janes of today. After all, Granny always says that 'every hoe have dem 'tick a bush'. It is a fact that eligible men are a rarity, but, some Janes find Mr Right and chase him away because of poor 'holding' techniques and insufficient dating skills. Finding the ''tick' is already a task and a half. How you treat it after it has been found determines whether it stays with you and the quality of the service you get from it. Note that:
1.Possessiveness is a major turn-off. Don't be one of the sisters who make the mistake of holding on too tightly to their prized possessions. You will suffocate the man! Allow him a bit of freedom instead of having him steal it every chance he gets! Sometimes when he says that he is 'liming' with his friends he really is, believe him! Display a little trust sometimes. It goes a long way.
2. Respect begets respect. Even if the man is small in stature he is a man nonetheless. All women should know that 'respect due', every time. There should be no shouting, scolding, or name-calling. If you prefer to address him by a name other than that which is on his birth certificate, try using 'honey' or 'sugar' or some other sweet thing, but, never call him 'baby'. I can tell you from experience that not every man appreciates it.
3.Next thing, men hate naggers. Some women know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, how to nag a man into leaving a relationship. Remember at all times that no one is perfect - don't expect perfection from the man. At times we need not only let sleeping dogs lie - sometimes we need to kill them and then let them stay dead!
4.Super-woman or no super-woman, accept the fact that the man is the head of the woman! Isn't that biblical? So, why not give him a chance to manifest his manliness? The last woman I know of who found a man and decided to build them both a mansion got the shock of her life when the man just upped and left. Today she is looking up to the sky asking why? Instead of boasting that you have been there and done that, big up the man, let him feel like the superhero.
5.Love and pamper yourself. When you do this it will be easier for others to love and pamper you. This also builds confidence and self-esteem which will make you more attractive. Men don't ever want to feel like they are married to their grannies. You don't have to be the next hottie-hottie, but at least try to look good at all times.
Jacqueline Champier, NCU.