Wednesday, 7 March 2012

How Cheating on Spouses Makes Them Happy

Do you remember those long nights on the phone, the endless texting, the numerous emails? How about the many exciting visits and the reluctant goodbyes?  Those were good days…happy days, and getting married seemed the common sense thing to do; everything pointed in that direction; make your best friend your spouse.

Happiness is not an automatic occurrence that results from people doing the right things to and for you; they result from one simply choosing to either be happy or sad; contented or distraught.
Making a choice is the function of the ability to think and reason.  Thinking may be seen as the ability to create mental pictures in the mind.  Reasoning is the act of evaluating those pictures and determining whether they are good or bad, desirable or undesirable.  If the pictures are good and desirable, then having those things will tend to make you happy.  If, on the other hand, they are bad and undesirable then they will make you sad or distraught if you end up with them.

What happens when a spouse suddenly becomes discontented with his/her relationship?  Did the other person change?  But that shouldn’t matter, even if that is the case, because your happiness is your choice, nobody else’s.  What has happened is that either your mental pictures have changed or the way you choose to evaluate them has changed; what was seen as good and desirable is suddenly bad and undesirable.

The answer is not to change your spouse, but to work on your mind, because that is where the problem is, and on the other side of the problem lies the solution.  Change your thinking.
I had a brother-in-law whom I heard saying to group of his friends that his wife, my sister, was like his sister; he was cheating on her.  Oh yeah, they’re now divorced.  But isn’t it very clear what happened to him?  His mind changed.

Another brother-in-law felt that his wife, another sister of mine, was just too demanding.  But she always was that way.  So what happened?  You got it, his mind changed; whereas the demands of his girlfriend were cute, those of the wife, who is going nowhere, became over-burdening.
Something seems to happen when a good friend becomes a spouse: the allure and intrigue of the friend seem to wane; the zeal with which marriage was pursued is lost.

So I’m married, and I’ve made an amazing discovery: I’m getting happier!  Do you want to know why?  Believe it or not, my mind changed too.  But here’s the catch instead of seeing my spouse as a spouse, I’m bending my mind to still see my spouse as a friend.  So now I’m having a relationship with my friend, not my spouse.  In other words, I’m cheating.  And guess what…she loves it.
Corny?  It works.