Wednesday, 7 November 2012

He says: When women make the first move

He says: When women make the first move

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JUST imagine that you're out with your girlfriends lyming, sipping on a few cocktails and just having fun. You look through the corner of your eyes and see this handsome gentleman looking you over and giving you 'the eye'. There's something about the way he smiles, his well-shaped butt, bowed legs and neatly shaved moustache that makes you weak in the knees. What if the sight of him sends butterflies to your stomach? Would it be appropriate to go over and say, "Hi, you're hot", or should you play by the rule that a woman should never make the first move?
Here's what the men say:
59-year-old preacher:
Is it ever appropriate for a woman to make the first move?

I really can't tell you if a woman should make the first move or not. Our society has educated us though, that it is the man who should make the first move, but really and truly, I can't tell you who should.
20-year-old college student:
Of course a woman can make the first move but it depends on how she does it. She should not make it too obvious. She should be discreet because a man likes a challenge, and if she comes on to him too easy he might not be interested. Men don't like to get things that easy, they like to work for it.
46-year-old manager:
Yes, I believe that a woman can make the first move, and this can be a good thing but she should not come on to him too strongly because this can be a turn-off. She should give some hints though, so that he knows that she is interested. The hints would be okay but to be too strong would not be a good thing.
55-year old preacher:
Because I am from the old school, I would say a woman should not make the first move but then again, the women's lib says that it is alright for her to do so.
25-year-old college student:
Of course I believe that a woman can and should make the first move if she sees a man that she likes, why not? Life is short and many people miss out on love because they see people that they like and do nothing about it. If a woman likes me, I would love it if she comes on to me.
44-year-old accountant:
I think it would be okay for a woman to make the first move. Although men are normally known as the aggressors, some men are shy and will not approach women that easily, so it would be nice for women to make their moves on men like those.
It is true that some women have missed out on love because they did not make the first move when they had the opportunity. Sometimes, when it is too late, the men will reveal that they were also interested but because of fear or intimidation, they held their peace.
From my informal survey I can safely conclude that men's perspective is that if a woman is bold enough and is so impressed to make a move, then the call is hers. As a woman, whether or not you believe in making the first move, the following should be considered:
*Do not flirt, not with your eyes nor otherwise; he will think you are too cheap or easy.
* Do not behave like a nervous wreck, act calm.
* Do not be standoffish or he will not come over.
* Be yourself; do not start acting like somebody else.
* Smile, this is inviting and will make you look prettier and more approachable.
* Say with body language, "I would like to meet you".
* Walk away from your friends for a few minutes; this will give him space to act.
* Look to see if he is associating with someone that you may know, so that the person can introduce you.
Jacqueline Champier is counselling psychologist from Mandeville. E-mail her at

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