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Wednesday, 7 November 2012

I made a mistake when I married you...

WE have heard many times that communication is essential for a successful relationship. Let me say though, that it is not just good communication that is important, but every word that comes out of your mouth. You should choose your words well because they have the potential to either make or break your relationship. Note that you cannot take back unkind words and they can leave scars that may never heal.
Remember also, that it is not only physical beatings that can inflict wounds and cause serious damage; unkind words can do the same, or may hurt even more.


Here are 10 things women should never say to men:
1. I made a terrible mistake when I married you: Even if you are convinced that you made a mistake, you should never repeat it, not even to yourself. The worst thing to do is to view your marriage as a mistake. Since no one is perfect, a wise approach would be to work on your marriage. Treasure what you have and make the best of it.
2. I make more money than you do: He might be glad that you work and can contribute to the affairs of the home but he does not want you to rub it in that you actually make more money; he will not take kindly to that.
3. All of this is your fault: Because God created women with a great sense of intuition, sometimes she can know the outcome of an event before it actually happens. When this happens, ladies, don't say, "I told you so, if only you had listened to me".
4. You are way too small for me: If he is too small for your liking, I don't think he would want to hear it, since that will not improve the situation. This is one of the few things that you might just have to grin and bear.
5. I will do what I want regardless of what you say: When women disobey men, they take it as a sign of disrespect, even if it is not so. If you have to disagree with him, find a kind way to say it.
6. You cannot satisfy me: If you are having a lousy time in bed, don't put all the blame on him. Don't tell him he cannot satisfy you either, find a way to work together and learn how to please each other.
7. I wish you could give me a child: If you have done all the tests and you find out that he is infertile, that can be a big blow to his ego. Don't complicate matters by blaming him for your empty nest. All is not lost but you may need to get counselling in this regard.
8. You are acting like a sissy: Even if your man is behaving real 'girly' you don't have to tell him that he behaves like a sissy, find a way to let him see a real man in action. He can learn the behaviour over time.
9. I will never forgive you for this: It is possible for the man in your life to hurt you badly but an unforgiving spirit is not going to mend the situation. Sometimes men will be sorry for their wrong actions and are waiting desperately to be forgiven. The forgiveness can actually start the healing process.
10. Get out of my house: I believe that this is one of the worst cards a woman can draw; this one hits below the belt and can be the straw that brings the relationship to an end.
10 things a man should never say to a woman
1. You remind me of my first wife: Most men are attracted to women with similar features. So men, if you have to remarry, don't keep telling your wife that she is just like your first wife. Don't let her feel like a replacement but rather, that you love her and she is a special person.
2. I wish you were more like my mother: Do not expect your wife to mother you or to fit into your mother's shoes. Do not hurt your wife by forcing her to be like mama.
3. You cannot cook: Not every woman will be able to cook like a sous chef. To be an expert in the kitchen takes practice especially for those women who did not get the opportunity to master the art at a young age. If she cannot cook, buy her cookbooks, send her to cooking school, do what you must but don't hurt her by telling her that she cannot cook.
4. You are getting too fat: It is natural for a woman to put on a little weight as she gets older and her metabolism slows down somewhat. One way to help her to keep her girlish figure is to encourage her to exercise. If she is fat, she doesn't want to hear it from you.
5. I should have married my ex instead of you: Even if you believe your ex would have been a better choice there is no point repeating this, not even to yourself. Learn to love your wife like your own body and keep your thoughts positive.
6. I hate you: To say "I hate you" are strong words that can really cause a woman great emotional pain. If you say "I hate you" even if you said it out of anger, long after you forget it, she won't forget and the pain of those words may linger for life. A woman wants to feel that she is loved, not hated.
7. You look like a man: They say if all truths should be known, there would be no peace. Even if she looks like a man — flat chest, no curves — please don't be the one to tell her. Instead, compliment her for her good features.
8. You are too boring: If she is boring, you can teach her how to spice things up a bit, but in the meantime, you cannot force her to be someone she is not. Accept her for who she is and try to love her nonetheless.
9. You must submit to me: I don't know why but women don't like to hear from men that they are to be submissive. Even if she believes that she should submit to you don't remind her of this when you have an argument.
10. I am not attracted to you anymore: If you want to hurt her, just tell her that she is not pretty or that she is no longer attractive. She may pretend that your words are just wind but trust me brothers, don't try this one, it hurts.
Jacqueline Champier is counselling psychologist from Mandeville. Email her at jacqueline.champier@ncu.edu.jm.