Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Short answers to your relationship issues

FROM time to time we women are confronted with issues that no one seems able to answer. The questions may range from 'Should I feel threatened by his ex?' to 'Why hasn't he proposed after all these years?' Often in our quest to seek answers ,we turn to the wrong persons and are burdened with the wrong answers.
This week, counselling psychologist Jacqueline Champier steps in to offer the answers to some of your simple but most burning relationship questions.
Liquid Gold model Shamara. (Photo: Lance Watson)

1. How do I keep my man from annoying me with his lousy habits?
You cannot stop him from being annoying, but you can change your attitude towards him and those habits. Always seek to find ways around the issues. You can't change him, so change yourself.
2. How important is it to get along with my mother-in-law?
It is very important that you get along with your mother-in law. Even if your partner never talks about it, he prefers if you get along with his mom. It can put a strain on the relationship when 'wifey' and mommy cannot agree.
3. Why hasn't he proposed after 'seven years and three kids?'
There could be many reasons for this. It could be that there is not enough money and he wants a big splash. He may not understand how important it is to you and he can't see what the marriage fuss is about. He may love you as a 'baby mother' but cannot see you as his wife. He may be staying with you because of the children but he has his ideal woman outside. It may also boost his ego to know that he has the ring and you are dying to get it.
4. He still e-mails his ex. What does that mean?
The ex is a good friend and he values her opinion.
5. I went to UWI, he never finished high school, can it work?
It will work in a few cases. If it works for you, consider yourself an exception.
6. What's the best way to break up with a guy?
It depends. It is best for him if you tell him to his face that things are not working out and you have to move on, but it is better for you if you tell him when he is not in a position to hurt you, since you can never be sure what he might do to you upon hearing. A letter is a good way if you are concerned about your safety.
7. He has a bitchy 'baby mother', what's my next move... Can our relationship survive?
Yes, the relationship can survive, especially if you have no dealings with the 'baby mother'. Your next move would be to make sure that your man understands himself that you plan to take care of the child with as little dealings with the child's mother as possible.
8. How can we make a long-distance relationship work?
Communicate as often as possible, remain faithful to each other and plan to eliminate the long-distance business at the earliest possible date.
9. Is it true that he will cheat again if he cheated before?
No. This is not true. Some men hurt from cheating just as much as you do and pledge never to do it again.
10. What's the best way to get over him?
Immerse yourself in some activity that you like and plan to improve yourself. Make sure that you are all the better without him. Find what makes you happy and work towards that goal.
11. He's younger, I'm older. Can it work?
Sure it can work well. He might be young but very mature. Lots of young men are great lovers who adore older women.
12. Should I tell him how many men I've slept with/should I ask him?
Never, never, never, never. Why should you kiss and tell? This can be a grave mistake that can come back to haunt you.
13. Is he husband material? How will I know?
If he displays the qualities that you are looking for in a mate then he could be husband material. You can know if you don't rush the relationship, the truth has a way of coming out.
14. He's jealous. What do I do?
A jealous man is never easy to deal with. If he is just a boyfriend let him go and get regular counselling or take a hike. Haven't you heard, jealousy is rotten to the bone? (Bible)
15. I'm jealous, how can I deal with it?
Find out the root cause of your jealousy. For example, are you insecure? Do you have low self-esteem? Do you fear your man will leave you for another woman? Does the sight of him with another woman make you sick? Is it a learnt behaviour? Sit with a counsellor and identity the reason and then it will be much easier for you to plan how to deal with it.

by Jacqueline Champier