Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Why men lie

IF you dare to spend the time to study history or if you read various portions of the Scriptures, you will find that men have been telling lies for centuries. They do so for various reasons, and of course, they have differing views on what are lies, what are half-truths and what can pass as 'the truth'.
Why do they do it? Below are some of the interesting responses I got during an informal survey.
1. "Men will lie to save the relationship. As a man, I know that if I admit to doing something bad, it could end my relationship, so I normally lie to my girlfriend because I love her and I don't want to lose her."
2 "Men lie to hide the truth, especially when we have ulterior motives."
3. "Men lie to cover up something bad that they have done, so that the girlfriend/wife doesn't find out the truth and leave them".
4. "Men lie when they are cheating. If they are not cheating, why would they lie? Unless of course they are hiding something about themselves that they do not want you to know."
5. "Men lie but I cannot say why because I do not do it. If I tell you why men lie, I would be lying."
6. "Men will lie because they don't like the constant nagging. Sometimes they want to tell the truth but they are so afraid that the woman will begin to nag, so they just tell her a lie."
7. "If you ask a man a question, he might not really lie, but he may answer in such a way that may have you believing something otherwise. He will do this not just to cover himself, but to protect you."
8. "Men lie to avoid confrontation. Men in general do not like confrontation, so if they suspect that the truth will cause a confrontation they might just let a lie slip by."
Some men will look you straight in the eyes and tell you a lie without even blinking, but if a man is serious that he wants to stop lying to his partner she might be better able to help him if she has a good grasp of his challenges or why he tends to tell lies.
Remember that if you practise to tell lies, it will become a habit that will eventually destroy you or ruin your relationship. When one lie is told, oftentimes it forces the liar to tell a multitude of other lies. Sometimes the liar will not remember what lies were told previously and eventually the truth will come out. When this happens, it puts the liar in an awkward position.
Note though that one way to help you not to tell lies is to force yourself to practice good habits. This way you will not have to make up lies, because you won't have anything to hide or to cover up. Try always to walk right and to do good to everyone. Then, if you are backed into a corner, or if you are accused, your conscience will set you free when you make eye contact and say, "It wasn't me".
Jacqueline Champier is a counselling psychologist.