When men say 'NO'

Oh touch me not;

I am not Stephano,

But a cramp.

-- Shakespeare, The Tempest V, 1

HOW many men can say that to a woman, "Touch me not"? And yet, there are many men who do, even though the common perception is that it's only the women who say no, rejecting men's advances, refusing them their little loving.

Of course, this is fuelled by countless men who desperately, constantly pursue women for sex, giving them this power to say no. But I have discovered that men do say no too, spurning the advances of women, in essence, turning the tables and locking shop on them. And they don't like it, for we all know that hell hath no fury like a woman spurned. But first, some feedback directed both to me and Jacqueline Champier for our take on this Lock Shop business.

Hi,

You and Ms Champier are losing sight of one huge fact... a woman can't have sex with someone she's angry or upset with. Ms Champier, I believe, is a woman who should know this. We are not robots like men... they can have sex, apparently without investing their feeling and emotions. So to this extent, I don't take this as a serious article.

Mariel

Hello there,

Very true, funny and interesting. Bravo to the author. Yes, right on point. So many people use the 'locking of shop' as a weapon and kill the relationship. Most times the shopper prefers the newer supermarket, especially if the merchandise is nicer.

Arthur

You people,

Yes, it is an interesting and well-written article. However, I am sorry you did not explore the issue of what happens when, even if the shop is open 24/7, the buyer still wants to experience the variety that obtains in the wider market, operating under the philosophy that 'bird cyaan fly pon one wing,' or no one can eat from the same plate for 10 or however many years.

Karen

Teerob,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for exposing this vexing issue. It's two years now that my wife has locked shop on me, even though we sleep in the same bed every night. I have lost count of the nights that I lie in bed wondering when she's going to fly the gate, but she says that she can live without it forever. Not even a little 'pity sex' she would give me. It's a terrible thing.

Byron

More feedback on shopkeepers next week, but today it's all about the not-so-popular fact that men say no too. Say no to drugs is the clarion call, but 'say no to sex' is the cry of many men. But why would a man say no to a woman, denying himself of the pleasures and ecstasy that most men dream of and yearn for? The answers that I got were intriguing.

I learnt that some men say no whenever sports is involved, and no matter how sexually aroused they may be, if their wives offer it up on a platter, right in the middle of the football World Cup, or just before their favourite Premier League team is about to play, then they must say no. "I'm sorry, Honey, it's Manchester United against Chelsea, so I must politely decline your offer." And it doesn't stop there either, for there's no guarantee that he'll say yes after the match either, as it all depends on the outcome. If his team wins, it's a yes, but if he suffers a loss, it's a no, which may go into overtime, lasting a very long time, as depression sinks him.

Men say no if they suspect that their wives are cheating, as the anger, suspicion and jealousy are so great that they override all other feelings that they may have. How can he honestly make love to his wife if in his mind, he thinks that she's been with another man? "No way boss, me stop deal with her, for she have man, and me nah take seconds," I've heard a man say.

The flip side of this is that a man will say no if he plans to get a little piece outside in the near future. He'll want to conserve his energy, so if he plans his tryst for tomorrow in the day, and his wife approaches him tonight, then he's going to say no, for he's saving his loving for tomorrow.

What also happens is that when a man takes a new lover, he's so excited about her that his interest in his wife diminishes to zero. It's like when you're about to buy a new car, you don't even want to drive your old car anymore... even though it served you faithfully for years. He'll also say no if he just came home from a romp with his 'other' and is all tuckered out. Remember the old saying about not being able to serve two masters, lest you love one and hate the other? Well, it applies here too, as new libido kills the old one.

Fear also makes a man say no, and fear is a great inhibitor to a man's performance. If he fears that her experience has surpassed his, or that she doesn't love him anymore, he's going to say no. When she makes her advances and he declines, there is no chance of him failing. And failure is not an option.

There's also the aspect of honour, even though that word is hardly relevant any more. A man will say no to a beautiful woman because of honour, and no way can he make love to her, knowing that she's his best friend's wife. Rare as it may seem, it does occur one in a million times, but it's still a case where a man says no. "I'm sorry, Honey, much as I would love to, you're Brian's wife, and I just have to say no."

Other men say no to their wives because of sexual boredom, as they're tired of the countless years of the boring, unresponsive, non-moving, unexciting, non-verbal ritual that they have to go through. "Fifteen years now we married, and not even a little movement or a sound she would make. It's like I'm doing it all by myself. Me just can't bother any more, so me lock shop pon har," this husband lamented.

Other men say no to their wives because of sexual boredom, as they're tired of the countless years of the boring, unresponsive, non-moving, unexciting, non-verbal ritual that they have to go through. "Fifteen years now we married, and not even a little movement or a sound she would make. It's like I'm doing it all by myself. Me just can't bother any more, so me lock shop pon har," this husband lamented.

Then some men join the church and give all their energy to the service and the cause. The belief is that the body being the temple, is drained of all its power by too much sex, so by saying no he can focus more on his calling. Usually that's the domain of women who join church to escape from their husbands, but there are a few men who also fall into this category.

Interestingly, I saw a letter to one of those advice columns, where this poor guy was afraid to make love to this woman because he thought that he was too small. His fear was that he would be laughed at and ridiculed, so whenever he found himself in that position, he would make up some excuse and decline, saying no. That's a really sad reason why some men say no, and clinical psychologists attribute this to men who watch a lot of porno movies. They equate themselves to those hugely endowed actors and feel inadequate. Of course, there are some who really come up short, but that's for another day.

An interesting twist is that some men say no as a ploy. Even though he wants it desperately, he'll turn it down, just to let her think that he can do without it, and she will crave him even more. Maybe more men should try this, so that women wouldn't feel that it's only they who hold the handle and have this power to say no.

One twist is, some wives welcome it when men say no. "I was so happy when he finally said no, is about time him give it up now. I can finally sleep in peace." Some other reasons why men say no are: a lack of money which puts their self-esteem at rock bottom, bordering on depression, or sometimes they're just not interested in her anymore. "Lord, she get so fat that I'm totally turned off." In some cases the man just stopped loving her and therefore couldn't bring himself to make love to their wives anymore.

Saying no is never a nice thing to the person who is hearing it, as rejection can be devastating. But hey, women have been saying no for centuries, so what's the big deal if some men beat them at their own game?

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: The power to say no could have saved many men from grief. First Tiger Woods experienced a ton load of crosses which almost cost him his empire, and then John Terry, England's football captain, lost his captaincy because he was accused of having an affair with his teammate's woman, throwing the team into a maelstrom of problems, as the guy says he's not playing for England in the World Cup if Terry plays. Golf lost a legend, albeit temporarily, millions of dollars lost, and England's chances at the World Cup compromised. The world is deprived of sport and earnings because of men playing on fields that are not theirs. So many powerful men in the world; Mike Tyson, Kobe Bryan, Michael Jordan, Bill Clinton, King Edward who abdicated his throne, Samson, King David, all knocked down a peg or two because of one thing... yes, say it. One thing is sure, the way to a man's downfall is not through sticks and stones, but through his inability to say no.