Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Resolving marital conflicts

Resolving marital conflicts

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WHILE it is good to dream about a happy marriage, one must always remain realistic because it is a fact that no marriage is going to be conflict-free or like "a bed of roses'. Note that even in the best of marriages, problems or conflicts will surface from time to time.
Any partner who refuses to accept this notion is only setting himself/herself up for disaster. Also, since no two persons are alike, it is highly likely that in your marriage you are going to have disagreements. However, what will make all the difference is how conflicts are resolved or how issues are dealt with.

Here are some suggestions that can help to resolve or reduce marital conflicts.
* Regardless of what the conflict is about, you should never share it with a third party unless it is mutually agreed on by both partners.
* In the process of resolving a conflict, do not involve too many persons.
* Long before there are conflicts, decide in whom you will confide should the need arise.
* As much as is possible, try to use the services of qualified persons only.
* When you have negative feelings about something your partner may have done, try to separate those feelings about the offence from your feelings for your partner.
* Do not ignore an issue and hope that it will just go away, even if it does for a while, before long it will resurface.
* Never encourage tale-bearers. As inviting as this may seem it usually does more harm than good.
* Make a pledge that all issues will be resolved; believe it and work hard to achieve it.
* Learn to trust in the Divine and give it all to Jesus. He is the master counsellor.
Marriages were meant to be happy, so you and your partner should make lasting memories. These fond memories usually have the potential to help you through the bad times. Go out of you way to pamper and please each other. Learn to love, respect and appreciate each other and learn how to treat each other well.
There are many happy and successful marriages today but these happy marriages occur not because of the absence of conflicts or problems but because the couples invested quality time to learn the art of conflict resolution so that they can work through their differences.
Jacqueline Champier is a counselling psychologist from Mandeville.

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